Unfortunately he had clearly not read as far as chapter three in How To Be A Fish

Unfortunately, he had clearly not read as far as chapter three in How To Be A Fish, because in the costume he had forgotten to put in ventilation slits.He was discovered by a passer-by in a field close to Wilson’s favourite reservoir, “where he was a familiar sight at the water’s edge, swinging from a rope while pretending to be a fish”, my cutting says I’m afraid I can’t tell you any more. When a Sixties pop group of whom he disapproved visited his home town, he turned up at their concert and threw snowballs at them from the balcony In June. (He had climbed Snowdon, collected the snow and kept it in a cool box.) When he was poor, he made a crossbow, shot seagulls and curried them.
But even Ian would have been staggered at the total looniness of the Australian Neil Wilson, the man who wanted to be a fish Wilson has just been found dead at Toolondo, near Victoria. Strangely, he did not drown, but suffocated in the fish-shaped bodysuit he had made from heavy green plastic sheeting. AT LAST it can be told. The secret of successful striking, according to Ian Wright, is: “Aim for the goal, and if it you hit it hard enough and well enough, hopefully it will go in the goal.” Wright’s insight was the most straightforward moment of Peak Performance (ITV), a slow-motion documentary about the skills of four Arsenal players which featured many rippling close-ups of muscular torsos and much pseudo- science, but very little in the way of interesting information

There was the odd nugget. On heading: “Get the timing wrong,” the narrator, Zoe Wanamaker, said, “and the ball, travelling at 30mph, would feel like a brick.” This explained a) why players always grimace when they are going up for a header, and b) why Paul Merson’s face looks the way it does.
The silky passing skills of Merse puzzled the boffins “Scientists can’t agree,” Wanamaker revealed.

“Some say that it is a conscious task that he performs particularly efficiently, others that it is something learned, but instinctively performed with minimal brain activity.” Make your own minds up.The makers of this series, Oxford Scientific Films, have shown a keenly developed sense of commercial reality: the stars always have their kit off before the first advertisement break. After a devastating second half Pontypridd registered their highest score against Bridgend since the war. Although played in dank and slippery conditions, it was a fine match. The 19- year-old Lee Jarvis, following his recent magnificent display at Newport, once more revealed remarkable poise to steady the ship and put Pontypridd on course by kicking three penalties and a drop goal in the first half of yesterday’s match, and none were easy. Their second try by Kris Chesney three minutes from time being no more than a token gesture against a side whose thoughts by that time were as far away as their defence.Orrell: F Mason; G Smith, I Wynn, L Tuigamala, D Luger; P Hamer, A Healey; J Russell, M Scott, P Mitchell, C Cusani, C Cooper, J Huxley, P Anglesea, P Manley (capt) (S Bibby, 52).Saracens: A Tunningley; M Gregory, J Buckton, S Ravenscroft, P Harries (K Chesney, 49); A Lee, B Davies (capt) (P Friel, 20); R Andrews, G Botterman, G Holmes, M Langley, C Yandell, D Phillips, A Phillips, A Diprose.Referee: B Campsall (Yorkshire).. THOSE who once believed that Pontypridd were a one-man team that would be lost without Neil Jenkins may be forced to think again. Before that Andy Tunningley, who had taken over the goalkicking duties from Lee, kicked a penalty and Peter Harries with a lightning thrust down the left had scored a try After that Saracens’ challenge crumbled.

They were put under no pressure yesterday.Even so, it wasn’t until two beautifully struck penalties by Mason in the second half that Orrell could feel safe. Apart from missing two penalties and two dropped goals, he fumbled and frittered away possession and when the Saracens skipper, Brian Davies, was carried from the field with a leg injury all authority at half-back evaporated.Yet until late in the game Saracens were spared the punishment which their carelessness deserved because the once formidable Orrell pack, which used to fill visiting sides with dread, is a tame imitation of that fearsome unit. This is a great pity because, Mason and Smith apart, Orrell had produced an exciting youth back division. Austin Healey, blisteringly fast and almost as nimble in thought, displayed all the confidence and arrogance of a class performer.

His footwork has improved to the extent that his pass is flatter and crisper.But all this will go to waste unless Orrell can unearth some quality tight forwards. On the other hand, Orrell’s position in the elite is now assured for at least another season. Saracens, however, despite the recruitment of some of the world’s glitterati, now look odds-on to be relegated to the Second Division where they will find clubs of similar ambition and even more impressive resources. Certainly Michael Lynagh won’t be expected to make as many mistakes in an entire season as poor Andy Lee made yesterday. The full-back not only scored but for good measure he kicked the conversion.The truth is that these were two poor sides neither of which can feel confident about the future. Even Tony Diprose, their No 8, had shrivelled to a mere 15 stone after a week spent at a health farm. But Saracens’ more serious handicap this season has been their failure to finish off some promising play in the outfield.This was most painfully illustrated just before half-time.

With the game evenly balanced, Steve Ravenscroft, who up until that point was among the best of the backs, saw his pass outside the Orrell 22 intercepted by Mason. His was a tour de force of running, kicking and positional excellence. He scored 23 of Orrell’s points, including a try covering over 80 yards from an interception which would have had the league code drooling. They would also have appreciated Graeme Smith on the wing, who scored a delightful hat-trick of tries, his second of the season. But, despite the size of this victory, few can be convinced that Orrell are fully prepared to meet the rigours of the professional game.
Admittedly they have injury problems at the moment but their chief worry is the lack of height and ballast in the forwards which Saracens failed to expose yesterday They, too, have the same problems. I showed power and strength.”Jones reiterated that one of his dreams was still to play professional basketball in America and, as a stepping stone, he would train with the London Towers in February – a move which would take him out of boxing for a couple of months. His other ambition is to fight Nigel Benn,the World Boxing Council super-middleweight champion, but Benn’s promoter Don King has already scotched the idea..